He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
