I didn't shave. On purpose
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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