Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
