Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
