Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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