Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
