she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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