Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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