Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize