Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
