If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
