if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
tell me about the fingering
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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