I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
