hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
