I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
