I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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