Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
