Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
