I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
