in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The best revenge is premature balding
only you would photoshop your dick
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
