i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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