i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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