Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
