Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize