ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
