When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
