I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I will be naked everywhere
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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