How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
