I cannot find my penis.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
