We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize