So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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