either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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