I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
