you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
