You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
