the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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