he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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