His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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