What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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