Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
