chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
