Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
