I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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