no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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