I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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