I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
