I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
