we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
