Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I would fuck him just for his dog
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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