I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
