We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
