I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
