and you said cock pushups were impossible
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
