just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
