i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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