Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
