Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
