oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
