Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
