dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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