Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im about as happy as oj after his trial
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
