If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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