so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
