Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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