i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
