You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize