Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
