Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
is it fun? or sober?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
