a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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