My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
