he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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