Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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