Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
