i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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