omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
