I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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