I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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