so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
