i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
