When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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