and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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