Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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