She's JV to your varsity
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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