I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
