gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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