Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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