trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
