My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
