The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize