I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
