I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize