I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
