dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
