we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
